Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
