i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
