Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
