I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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