Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
