It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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