So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
