The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize