In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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