Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
