if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
