Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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