come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
