Need sex. Gaining weight.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
