At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
