I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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