The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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