I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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