You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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