I think i sorta joined a cult last night
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
the day after is always just damage control
bring money and cleavage
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
