he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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