the condom got lost in my hair
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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