just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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