Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
