I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
