Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
