oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
