You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
