I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
