'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
