You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
