Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Terrible idea I love it
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
