Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
