That's intense
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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