I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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