I'm lost and stupid without you.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
