i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
