i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
