You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
