I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
