the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
operation have a gay friend backfired
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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