I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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