yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
