it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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