mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
