i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
