Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
