Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize