Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
