What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
