I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
