I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
