Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
