My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
is wine microwaveable?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
