I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
