I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
