i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
