Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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