His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
