You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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