Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
