But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
