Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
