Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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