God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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