So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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