i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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