How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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