whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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