I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Life is so much better after having sex.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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