OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize