some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
even my farts smell like vagina
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
