Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
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